Erasing a Stigma

It seems that the tragic passing of Robin Williams has brought light to an epidemic many of us have been fighting in the shadows.  Why has it taken the death of someone famous for making millions of us laugh, to bring public awareness to a disease that we have been plagued with for hundreds of years?  Current data suggests that 22 Veterans take their lives... a day.  22 people who survived military duty (combat or not), whose demons eventually won out.  That statistic is thought to be wrong amongst recent veterans returning from the OIF/OEF conflict.  Many of those take their lives as a result of PTSD.  The public at large seems to think this is a new phenomena, but there are several items to take into consideration.  During WWI and WWII, and early battles, Soldiers had several weeks to decompress from the tragedies of war.  Spending weeks together with fellow brothers who had seen the atrocities of war, being able to vent their fears and anger to one another without fear of being judged.  They had time to come to terms with what our nation asked of them during these times.  Then the came home to their families never to speak of it again.  Now, when our time at war is done, we get on a plane, fly home, have a week of "reintegration" and are asked to get back to our daily lives.  Now, there is a stigma that if you seek help or treatment you are weak.  It can undermine a career by imparting the notion that you are not fit for command or a leadership role because you are unstable.  When we are separated from service, and our employers find out that we have PTSD, all the can think is that we are going to snap and go on a shooting rampage because we are unstable.  

These are the stigmas that make talking about mental health illnesses difficult.  It is easier to deny anything is wrong than to admit we have demons we are battling.  Depression is only one symptom of PTSD.  There are many more.  Irritability, anger, lashing out, becoming withdrawn, insomnia, flashbacks, sadness, anxiety, and so many more.  Suicidal thoughts come with the territory.  Those of us strong enough to ask for help, are often shot down.  "So many people have it worse than you.  You shouldn't be depressed".  "Just be happier".  "Remember you have a family, don't be selfish".   A lot of people just don't know how to talk to or respond to someone when they say they are depressed and may be contemplating suicide.  For people who have never been that far in despair, they just don't understand.  And that's OK.  But dismissing the other persons' feelings is not the way to help.  Let them know that you are always around to listen, that you care.  Just knowing you have people in your corner can be the life jacket that person is looking for.

When I was sent back stateside from Iraq, I was not medevac'd.  I was sent via space-a.  I had to wait around Kuwait for 2 weeks for a seat to become available and for my unit to fix the paperwork they screwed up on.  When I got back to Atlanta, no one from my Rear-D unit was there to pick me up.  No homecoming welcome.  I had to take a cab from the airport to Fort Benning, a nearly 2 hour trip.  I checked into my hotel, and was told to report to work 6 hours later.  They initially tried to chapter me out on a bad conduct mischarge...which is funny because I didn't have a single negative counseling statement....that I knew of.  Come to find out, 3 had been written while I was in limbo, and where I was supposed to sign, my squad leader had written in "Soldier Unavailable to Sign.". More on this at a later date...thankfully I had a few docs that stood up for me, and pushed me through the med board process; I was eventually medically retired out of the Army 13 months after returning home.  I was treated like shit, because everyone in my unit thought I was faking it, trying to get out of deployment.  I had been there for 7 months, and wanted to make the Army a career.  I had no support.  No friends.  No family (locally).  I was at my wit's end.  Thankfully, I had my family's support.  I would call my mom bawling my eyes out, because I just couldn't take it anymore.  I wanted to give up.  So a week after returning home, my parents and 2 youngest sisters drove from VA to GA to come see me.  Give me much needed hugs and emotional support.  They stayed for a week.  Without them, who knows what would have happened.  My mom reminded me how strong I was.  I'm a Mayo, damn it.  And that means something.  I had my son who needed his mother.  And I had something to prove.  That no matter how much you may beat me down, degrade me, make me feel like nothing; I'm not going anywhere.  I know in my heart what the truth was/is, and I'll be damned if some ignorant, judgmental, self-serving, assholes were going to take that away from me.  I haven't written a lot about my time in service, or what happened to me while deployed and upon returning home.  But over the next few months, I think I'm going to let ya'll in.  I think it's important for people to know and recognize that this shit does happen.  And if it's happening to you, you're not alone.  There are actions you can take, and recourse for those who think they are above it all.  


Tonight, I just wanted to open the door.  Let people know that if you're struggling with PTSD, depression, or any other issue, there ARE people who care.  If you need someone to talk to, I AM HERE to listen to you.  All you have to do is reach out.  You are stronger than you think you are.

If you or someone you know is struggling, there are options.  Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to ask for help.  You don't want to burden loved ones with your issues.  I'm here to tell you, it's not a burden.

http://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/

Twas The Night Before Christmas...

I know it's been a while... please forgive me!  It's been a busy few months!!  I plan on streamlining my ceramic lines.  I hope that by doing this I can actually create inventory to keep on hand and have readily accessible/quick to ship items.  I'm thinking a dragonfly line... hummingbirds... and I already offer a somewhat exclusive ocean inspired line to two shops; one in Kennebunkport, Maine, and one in Florida...  I'll be writing more about that later!  :)

For now, I really wanted to share a poem with you that my husband wrote shortly after we met.  Grab your hanky or a box of tissues... I bawled my eyes out the first time I read it.  I still can't read it without shedding a tear. :)  Here is the link to the original on Facebook : Military - Twas The Night Before Christmas; by J.A. Barnes

================================================================

MILITARY - TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas’ the Night before Christmas, And out in the sand,
A soldier was on guard duty, weapon safely in hand.
The dune was completely still, not even the wind stirred.
His eyes scanned the horizon, a plan of action inferred.


His team was in slumber, dreaming of their loved ones miles away.
Seeing the faces of their children ,and the smiles they’d wear later that day.
The soldier remained on alert, as he continued to scan into the black.
Occasionaley sipping coffee, and pulling out his MRE for a snack.


When from out of the darkness there arose a loud sound,
The soldier snapped the safety off his weapon and prepared to throw down.
He sighted down the barrel, and steadied his hands.
Prepared to lay down his own life, prepared to make his last stand.


At first it was just sounds, those that sounded of bells.
But from which direction they were coming, the soldier could not yet tell.
When out from the clouds, the moon did appear.
Lighting up the sand as though daytime and revealing eight tinny reindeer.


With a white bearded driver, dressed head to toe in red.
The soldier still unsure, put the sights to his head.
As he hollered and laughed and called out each name,
The soldier wanted to believe his eyes, but held his target just the same.

“Now Dasher, now Dancer, Now Prancer, and Vixen.  On Comit, On Cupid, On Doner and Blitzen!
There are men and women about, who sacrifice themselves for the free!
We’re going to thank them all tonight, before any presents go under the trees!”

He reached behind him, and slowly pulled from his sack,
A large wooden pole, with a white flag on the back.
Standing from his sleigh, he began to wave his hands,
Signaling his good intentions, to alert the soldier man.


The soldier waved him forward while remaining at the ready,
He radioed to his command, his hands never unsteady.
As St. Nick approached, he did exactly as he was told.
Holding his hands within sight, he wasn’t there to be bold.


The soldier could hear the deer breathing, and see the smile on Santa’s face.
As the sleight came to a stop, and he stepped out with grace.
“Good evening my dear boy, and Merry Christmas to you all.
We have a special gift for you, soldiers one and all.



Backup arrived and Santa accepted his search without a sound,
He completely understood their caution, for many brothers and sisters had gone down.
As they completed their job, even checking the bag in the sleigh.
They gave the thumbs up, Santa was ok.


As he stepped back a bit, his hands began to shake and his knees became weak.
A tear dropped from his eye, as he slowly began to speak.
“My list of nice and naughty is very hard to compile.
But the men and women of the military are at the top by a mile.”


“You ask for nothing in return, but your life your ready to give.
You sacrifice your body, your hearts, so that others may live.
You may only require a thank you once in awhile but you see that just won’t do.
I’m here to bring the magic of Christmas to each and every one of you.”


He stepped to the sleigh and removed his toy sack.
It was a velvety red, with a gold stripe down the back.
And as he moved in close, his suit began to change color,
It became a combination off all the services BDU’s, a suit unlike any other.


“You may not have known this, but I’ve been in battle myself.
I wasn’t always Santa, and my workers not always Elf’s.”
As he spoke with a grin, and a twinkle in his eye,
He reached into his bag and let out a large sigh.


“I’m sorry to say I can’t end this war, and I can’t send you home.
It wouldn’t matter anyways, as you wouldn’t leave your unit alone.
So what I have here, is just a little treat of Christmas spirit,
Take a moment to relax, as you get to see and to hear it.”


With his final word, the bag began to glow.
It levitated above the ground, and began a picture show.
There were children with smiles, and families left back home,
Playful pets and Christmas trees, and even a saluting Gnome.


There was laughing and a few tears as moments were remembered.
And a few silent prayers for those lives who had been surrendered.
As Santa stood back and took in the sight,
He knew the country would always be ok as long as there were these brave men and women to fight.


As the show shed its final light, and everyone returned to order.
Santa began to shake hands, and to thank each soldier.
He made his way back to the sled, before resetting his sack and stepping in.
His shoulders slumped forward for a moment, as he ran his finger through the hair on his chin.


“As much as I’d like to stay, it is my duty to go.
So many stops to make tonight, at each station throughout the world.
But as you're celebrating here, with your family number two.
Don’t ever forget those people at home that love and appreciate you.”

“Back in the states, there are people you’ll never know.
Who love and appreciate, the continuous courage that you show.
The men and women of the services are the bravest in the world.
And make it safe for me to bring joy to every little boy and girl.”


As the sleigh began to move and started to lift to the air.
He dropped down a package to each soldier standing there.
It wasn’t a gift that could be heard or for that matter even seen.
It was instead the thanks and feeling, the knowledge of what they really mean.

With the sleigh going up and pulling out of sight,
Santa hollered back to them, “Merry Christmas and Thank you, because of you we sleep safe tonight.”

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to the men and women abroad who serve our country every day.  Your sacrifice and courage do not go unnoticed.  God bless the United States Army, Navy, Air Force, Maine Corps, and Coast Guard!!

================================================================

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanuka, Happy Kwanza, Happy New Year, and any/every holiday I may be missing!  

Please feel free to share the blog post, share the poem.. it deserves to go viral!  Not just because he's my husband...but because it's an amazing, heartfelt poem that rings true to so many...

http://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/