Erasing a Stigma

It seems that the tragic passing of Robin Williams has brought light to an epidemic many of us have been fighting in the shadows.  Why has it taken the death of someone famous for making millions of us laugh, to bring public awareness to a disease that we have been plagued with for hundreds of years?  Current data suggests that 22 Veterans take their lives... a day.  22 people who survived military duty (combat or not), whose demons eventually won out.  That statistic is thought to be wrong amongst recent veterans returning from the OIF/OEF conflict.  Many of those take their lives as a result of PTSD.  The public at large seems to think this is a new phenomena, but there are several items to take into consideration.  During WWI and WWII, and early battles, Soldiers had several weeks to decompress from the tragedies of war.  Spending weeks together with fellow brothers who had seen the atrocities of war, being able to vent their fears and anger to one another without fear of being judged.  They had time to come to terms with what our nation asked of them during these times.  Then the came home to their families never to speak of it again.  Now, when our time at war is done, we get on a plane, fly home, have a week of "reintegration" and are asked to get back to our daily lives.  Now, there is a stigma that if you seek help or treatment you are weak.  It can undermine a career by imparting the notion that you are not fit for command or a leadership role because you are unstable.  When we are separated from service, and our employers find out that we have PTSD, all the can think is that we are going to snap and go on a shooting rampage because we are unstable.  

These are the stigmas that make talking about mental health illnesses difficult.  It is easier to deny anything is wrong than to admit we have demons we are battling.  Depression is only one symptom of PTSD.  There are many more.  Irritability, anger, lashing out, becoming withdrawn, insomnia, flashbacks, sadness, anxiety, and so many more.  Suicidal thoughts come with the territory.  Those of us strong enough to ask for help, are often shot down.  "So many people have it worse than you.  You shouldn't be depressed".  "Just be happier".  "Remember you have a family, don't be selfish".   A lot of people just don't know how to talk to or respond to someone when they say they are depressed and may be contemplating suicide.  For people who have never been that far in despair, they just don't understand.  And that's OK.  But dismissing the other persons' feelings is not the way to help.  Let them know that you are always around to listen, that you care.  Just knowing you have people in your corner can be the life jacket that person is looking for.

When I was sent back stateside from Iraq, I was not medevac'd.  I was sent via space-a.  I had to wait around Kuwait for 2 weeks for a seat to become available and for my unit to fix the paperwork they screwed up on.  When I got back to Atlanta, no one from my Rear-D unit was there to pick me up.  No homecoming welcome.  I had to take a cab from the airport to Fort Benning, a nearly 2 hour trip.  I checked into my hotel, and was told to report to work 6 hours later.  They initially tried to chapter me out on a bad conduct mischarge...which is funny because I didn't have a single negative counseling statement....that I knew of.  Come to find out, 3 had been written while I was in limbo, and where I was supposed to sign, my squad leader had written in "Soldier Unavailable to Sign.". More on this at a later date...thankfully I had a few docs that stood up for me, and pushed me through the med board process; I was eventually medically retired out of the Army 13 months after returning home.  I was treated like shit, because everyone in my unit thought I was faking it, trying to get out of deployment.  I had been there for 7 months, and wanted to make the Army a career.  I had no support.  No friends.  No family (locally).  I was at my wit's end.  Thankfully, I had my family's support.  I would call my mom bawling my eyes out, because I just couldn't take it anymore.  I wanted to give up.  So a week after returning home, my parents and 2 youngest sisters drove from VA to GA to come see me.  Give me much needed hugs and emotional support.  They stayed for a week.  Without them, who knows what would have happened.  My mom reminded me how strong I was.  I'm a Mayo, damn it.  And that means something.  I had my son who needed his mother.  And I had something to prove.  That no matter how much you may beat me down, degrade me, make me feel like nothing; I'm not going anywhere.  I know in my heart what the truth was/is, and I'll be damned if some ignorant, judgmental, self-serving, assholes were going to take that away from me.  I haven't written a lot about my time in service, or what happened to me while deployed and upon returning home.  But over the next few months, I think I'm going to let ya'll in.  I think it's important for people to know and recognize that this shit does happen.  And if it's happening to you, you're not alone.  There are actions you can take, and recourse for those who think they are above it all.  


Tonight, I just wanted to open the door.  Let people know that if you're struggling with PTSD, depression, or any other issue, there ARE people who care.  If you need someone to talk to, I AM HERE to listen to you.  All you have to do is reach out.  You are stronger than you think you are.

If you or someone you know is struggling, there are options.  Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to ask for help.  You don't want to burden loved ones with your issues.  I'm here to tell you, it's not a burden.

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Freedom Fest 2014 - Fort Kent, Maine

In exactly ONE MONTH, you want to make sure you are in Fort Kent, Maine!  For what, you may ask?  Why FREEDOM FEST, of course!  This event holds a near and dear place to my heart.  It is an outdoor concert to raise money for a Veteran Museum and Community Center to be built in Aroostook County, Maine.  This event is a joint project of Martin-Klein American Legion Post 133 and the Fort Kent Historical Society, and has been in the works for nearly a year.  Why should you make the trek out, you ask?  

July 4 2014 - As I Remember It

The day started off quite nicely.  Made some deviled eggs while the hubby prepared the meat for the burgers and we awaited the arrival of a good friend of ours who would be joining us for a small little barbeque.  Dinner went according to plan.  The evening was peaceful...until 2130.  That's when our small little village of a town decided to light off their fireworks display from less than 1/4 mile from our house.  No warning, no little baby fireworks to get the show started...but the big loud BOOM ones.  That is the first time in a LONG time, I've actually jumped up from my chair where I was sitting outside and tried diving for cover.  My heartbeat easily doubled, my chest felt tight, and I remembered the last time in Iraq that my base had been
mortared...

...Must Be Nice...

So today's post is a little different than some of my other ones.  More about the "life of" rather than pottery/ceramics.  We meet new people, or even those that have been in our life for a while...and this one comment is almost always muttered, "It must be nice to not have to work and be able to stay home all day."  Or at least something to that extent.  Most people utter it as a result of ignorance - they really have NO idea what my/our day to day life is truly like.  So for those that don't know what it's like, I thought I'd give you an idea.  :)

NOT disabled....DIFFERENTLY-abled!

When I first got sick, in 2010...I was bumming.  I was heart broken, and continue to be blindsided as my health continues to decline.  It all started with seizures in April 2010...followed by cognitive decline... memory and concentration issues... tremors/ticks... weakness and numbness in my left arm/hand... severe leg pain and weakness ... and last but not least... urinary incontinence.  I think that's it... haha  OH!  Yea...forgot the PTSD...All of this has occurred in the last 3 years...For a while, I let myself feel sorry for myself.  I can't run around with my munchkin-boy anymore.  I can't go for a hike through the woods with my husband.  I have been unable to complete a college degree/further education.  There's a LOT of things I CAN'T do...It's been in the last year with the support of my hubby and the innocent wisdom of my son, that my mind set has changed.  I used to send a thank you note with my Etsy orders, as well as have it printed on my business cards; "Thank you for supporting a disabled veteran's business".  Yes... all of these physical, psychological, and physiological issues have created boundaries and limitations...  But they've also showcased my strengths and other abilities I never knew I had.  

Reflections

When I tell people that I was in the army, the first question is always, "Did you go to Iraq?  Afghanistan?".  When I inform them that I did deploy to Iraq for OIF VII, the question that always follows next is, "What was it like?".  People  may think that it is an easy question to answer, but quite the contrary, it is not.  What part of Iraq do you want to know about?  There are many.  Do you want to do what the social and family ties and the stresses it caused was like?  Do you want to know what war is like?  Or what about the countryside?  The people and the children?  Being a medic?  What part do you want to know about?  The part where I admit it broke me all to hell and I will never be the same again?    Which part?

Patience is a Virtue

Did you ever hear that from your parents growing up??  "Patience is a virtue"??  Lord knows I DID!!!  Well let me tell you what, having to wait for my extruder (which is coming via TA Metalworks) to come in is TORTURE!!!  And they didn't have the pugmill in stock, so that hasn't even shipped yet!!  OMG!  I want to get my hands on my new toys so I can start playing!!!!! There are so many things I can make with the extruder... vases, cups, sculpture bases..

Anyway... while I have been waiting for my new toys to come (that are only possible thanks to my Kickstarter backers)... the creative bug has bitten me.  I have been working on hand built hummingbird feeders.  I am working on two different versions; one that will hang with the help of wrapped wire.  The second feeder will be a garden stake type...hopefully.  These are all prototypes as I've never made them before.  But I am looking forward to process.  Inspiration has definitely found its way into my hands.  As I sit here typing this, I am wishing I was in the studio creating.  Lucky for you all... my legs have other ideas and are hurting; so I'm sitting in my chair with my feet up.  To see the sneak peak photos of the hummingbird feeders, you can see the album I have on Facebook.      

Here are a few sneak peaks if you can't access the hummingbird album!!
HUMMINGBIRD FEEDERS

Speaking of my chair..its new!  Well, old new.  My honey and I hit up a couple of garage sales today that were still happening despite the rain.  Found some REALLY GREAT stuff.  We got a wooden rocking chair, a green upholstered rocking chair that swivels (of which I'm sitting in now), a big jack for Justin to be able to raise up his truck in order to work on it, a nice tall dresser for Caden... and there's a bunch more little stuff, but those were the big items.  And we got everything for amazing prices!  So overall...it was a really good day! :)

Time to Kick Start My Biz!

As of Wednesday night, I had officially raised $5,120 with my Kickstarter campaign!  THANK YOU to all who have helped support me and this campaign!  It really means a lot!  This allows me to get the pugmill that I need to help streamline my creating process.  And crazily enough...there is still 10 days left for the campaign!  Which means I can continue to raise funds!  If you check out my Kickstarter campaign, you can see that I have already thought of stretch goals in mind.  The additional equipment will .... well....  it will just be awesome and make creating sooo much easier.  You can see the campaign and the stretch goals explained HERE.

This week has been one CRAZY week!  SOOO  much has gone on!  I was accepted into Maine Made.  A really beautiful article was written in the Bangor Daily News!  I have been asked to put my items for sale on consignment at 3 different places!!! And I have been contacted by soo many wonderful people!!  There IS beauty and kindness in this dark world...Brings hope and happiness to my heart!

Well, sorry this is so short, but I need to get creating those backer rewards for the Kickstarter Campaign!!!  Please remember to check out all the links within this little blog though!

Patriot's Day

Good day to you all and thank you for stopping by!  Today is Patriot's Day, the day we commemorate the battles of Lexington and Concord which were fought near Boston in 1775.  Anyone remember the Paul Rivere poem?  Patriot's Day is typically held on the third Monday of April and is a state holiday for Massachusetts and Maine.  Though many people do make the mistake since the names are so close, Patriot's Day should NOT be confused with Patriot Day, which marks the anniversary of the terrorist attacks in the USA on September 11, 2001.   In the areas of Lexington and Concord, there are numerous reenactments for the public to see.  Anyone in Massachusetts planning on going to one?  I've never been to one and would love a first hand account and/or pictures of what it is!

(Information found on Timeanddate.com)

How are you celebrating Patriot's Day?  Why not take the time to support a disabled veteran in her pursuit to gain as much independence as possible, regardless of her disabilities?  Who might this person be, you ask?  Why ME of course!  Last week, Monday, I launched a Kickstarter project to raise funds in order to acquire equipment for my pottery studio to make the processes of creation more ME friendly...if successfully funded, it will give me near complete independence when it comes to my pottery, and I won't have to ask my fiance to help!  When you have to rely on someone on a daily basis to get around because I can't drive, for help getting into bed on my bad leg pain days...gaining any form of independence is a true blessing.  Please help me reach my goal.  You can find my Kickstarter project HERE.

Time for a little Kickstart..

I've been busy working on a little project the last several days.  Though I do my best in my little home pottery studio, there are still tasks that need to be done that are very difficult for me to accomplish with the equipment I have available.  I LOVE what I do.  I infuse my emotions into each and every piece I make.  My heart and soul goes into my work.  Clay absorbs the sorrow, the pain and hurt, the joy of accomplishing a new level in a task... It heals all wounds...for me.  With all this in mind, there are various pieces of equipment that will greatly help me as I continue this endeavor.  SO, I created a Kickstarter project.  For those of you that have linked up with through Facebook, you may have already seen the link.  For those of you that haven't, here is the little blurb I have been sharing. :)

"The last week, I have been quietly working on a project, reaching out to a few people for guidance and advice. Well, today, it goes public! I have started a Kickstarter project to help achieve some goals with expansion for my business. This will help make creating pottery so much easier. Please check out the page, spread the word, and help me achieve this new milestone!
Freedom Through Clay - Kickstarter Project "

Many of the pledge rewards are NEW items, not yet released to the public.  My Kickstarter backers will be the first ones to receive these new creations in my new line of ware...inspired by dragonflies! 

If you have a moment, please look through the project and considering lending a helping hand.  If you can't pledge anything, no worries!  The key is to get the word spread out through the digital web.  Sharing is caring, right?  :)  So share away and help me accomplish this goal!!

Coming soon:
Feature on Spruce Cottage Knits!!

Been a while...

So I have been thinking that I've only been MIA for a month...but my last post was nearly two months ago!!  My apologies!  It's definitely been a roller coaster few months.  My health has decided to throw some wrenches in the generally day to day life.  Haven't been able to work as much in the studio as I have wanted...nor have I had the where-with-all to do all the computer and bookkeeping work needed...like I still have to file my taxes for the biz...  I have 2 more weeks to get with it!  Let's hope it doesn't take me that long!

In other news... a New England magazine featured my garden stakes!  AND I'm listed as #1 of the 4!!!  I was SOOOOO excited!!  Here is the link if you have a few moments to check it out:

Four Spring Finds from Mainers on Etsy

On March 29, I unloaded a glaze kiln full of goodies.  MOST everything turned out the way I wanted and was hoping for.  

And believe it or not...my kiln was FULL...4 half shelves and 2 full shelves!  I have a smaller, home-studio sized kiln.  it works for me and the size space we have.  As you can see...LOTS of handbuilding going on in the Mayo house.  I have a hard time throwing for any long period of time unfortunately, because of pain and weakness in my legs.  *SIGH*  But that's ok. 

On a final note...For those of you who commented on my Facebook post about the first 10 businesses to comment I would leave feedback/feature for ya...I promise you I haven't forgotten!  As I said earlier... life and health kind of got in the way!  I will working on those features in the coming days, so stay tuned!!

Finding Home

So this post is going to be more of a brief history up to present about my disabilities and how pottery has helped me...and our search for a "home" to call our own.

Easter of last year, I had a significant decline in my health.  I had what the ER docs called "transient blindness".  My vision was next to nothing for about 48 hours and then it gradually started coming back to normal.  Took about a week.  But during that time, my legs also started to feel extremely weak.  I had several falls because my legs just gave out.  LOTS of bruises later, the VA docs gave me what are called "Canadian crutches"...the ones with the elbow brace.  For a couple of weeks, I had to use two crutches to get around.  The nerve pain came and went as it pleased.  Some days were/are better than others.  But due to the leg pain, it made walking even worse.  So the VA gave me a wheelchair.  I just recently acquired a new wheelchair from the VA that was custom made for me.  It has all terrain tires so I can get around better.  But I digress... 

Before my legs started "acting up", my fiance and I lived in a second floor apartment.  Needless to say when I started using the crutches and the pain/weakness became more constant, I could no longer do the stairs.  During this time, my parents offered to let us live in their cabin about 3.5 hours north of where we were currently living.  It's a single story ranch style log cabin.  MUCH more ADA friendly.  So last summer, we moved up here.  I was able to get my pottery studio established and have really been able to grow my Etsy store.  It's been GREAT for that.  But unfortunately, there are a lot of other experiences we could have done without.  It's been hard on my fiance being so far away from family and people who can help him/us.  He is also my caretaker and takes his "job" very seriously and worries about me a lot.  The cost it has taken to heat the house this winter has really set us back and forced us to rearrange our finances.  He's not happy here, and it breaks my heart.  :(  We are also 9 hours away from my punkerhead (my son lives with his father due to my health issues..) who lives in Massachusetts.  Needless to say, we are looking to move as soon as we can make it happen.  We are looking for OUR home.  But we are limited.  The home has to have a first floor bedroom because I can't do stairs, my fiance wants LOTS of land, and it would be HIGHLY beneficial if the garage was attached so there was a place to set up my pottery studio.  Now that I have my business up and running we can't afford for me not to have somewhere to do pottery. 

It's a daily struggle, and one that we will find answers to when the time is right. 

Thank you for letting me "vent".  :)  More pottery related posts to follow soon!  I have been WICKED busy in the studio and trying lots of new stuff.  Can't wait to show everyone and get it listed on Etsy!

TTFN

Productive Day!!

 Today I came to the realization that my sleep schedule is finally getting back on track!  I'm going to sleep earlier...but I'm not sleeping the day away which makes me a happy camper!  I woke up at 8 this morning, enjoyed a couple cups of coffee in my mug that Mark  Campbell made for me.  I LOVE being able to look at my baby boy's smiling face every morning, and every time I drink something hot.  This is my GO TO mug, for sure!!

Once I woke up, I got to "work" and started rearranging my Etsy shop.  It needed some early spring cleaning!  Now the sections make much more sense and items can be more easily found.  Added some new items that I am quite proud of.  (You should check it out..www.etsy.com/shop/jsbarts)

And to end the day on a bright note..I threw 3 of the most beautiful bowls!!!  I can honestly say that they are the BEST I have ever made!!  I had intended on making a couple of soup bowls for a non-profit event, Empty Bowls.  But I soon realized that with 2 pounds of clay...the bowls turned out to be a little larger than a soup bowl.  More like a really large salad bowl, or a small serving bowl.  Regardless, I'm pretty proud of them!!  I'm slightly disappointed that I can only sit at my wheel for 20-30 minutes at a time before I need to take a break for at least an hour (due to my disabilities).  But, as I hone my skills, I am able to produce more pieces that are better quality in that time frame. 

Trimming a bowl

 I've had to redefine my definition of "productive".  I want to continue to make with my hands, and pump out as many of the ideas I have running around in my mind.  But I know that my body will retaliate and I will not be able to create on the wheel for days.  A slow and steady pace is one that I need to learn to embrace more than what I do.

At any rate!!  Today has been a good, productive, and a-ok day.  Even health wise..it's been ok.  Not great..but not bad either.  :)

Fighting Through the Pain

Yesterday I went grocery shopping with my fiance and cousin and discovered what my limit is.  (ALWAYS looking for that silver lining...ha).  My legs started hurting after 30 minutes of walking, pushing the cart and using it as a "walker".  Took us a total of 45 minutes to finish everything.  Needless to say, I was a hurting unit.  Today wasn't a whole lot better.  But I had "work" to do. 

When you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.  :)  My pottery and ceramics allows me to zone out and fight through the pain.  Today was just such a day.  I had a lot of pieces to glaze and forced myself to get it done.  Lots of little trinket plates with various stamped impressions, pendants, and several custom orders.  My cat plate was one of them...they are quite popular!  The display on the shelf changes with each plate, so each one will always be unique. 

Also in the kiln is a lighthouse light/nightlight.  First one I've made and really like how it turned out.  I'm hoping that the glaze job I did with my cousin turns out just as well and highlights the awesomeness of the piece!  hehe 

I have several more custom orders that I need to start working on.  I love custom orders, and made to order items, as they give me something to focus on.  Rather than the stabbing pain in my legs, I instead focus on the creative aspect of my pieces.  The detailed hand painting some of them require.  the hand-built pieces that require extra attention.  When I'm in the middle of the creative process, I zone out.  It can be a nice reprieve from the pain.  But the moment I come out of the zone, the pain is no longer blocked, and it comes back with a vengeance.  Tonight is such a night.  After my glazing marathon, and starting the glaze kiln; I am in my wheelchair.  Ah well.  So is life.  There are good days and bad days....and today is just "one of those days".

I know my posts are kind of all over the place right now.  Thank you for staying with me.  I'm trying to get my mind back into the habit of writing with fluidity.  I used to write quite fluidly without much thought; but now it's more difficult.  I lose my train of thought, have a hard time finding the right word, difficulty explaining certain things...just part of the package I guess.

Anyway...THANKS for all your support.  I love feedback and critiques..so please leave me comments.  I'm open to corrective criticism.  It's the only way I'll get better!

<3

Etsy Maine Team M.O.M

WOW!  I'm really glad I decided to take a break from playing with clay and was on the computer editing pictures!!  It was just announced that I was nominated to be Etsy Maine Team's Member of the Month!!  What a GREAT way to start the new year!!!  <3  THANK YOU to all my colleagues and friends who nominated me.  You all are just too much!!

Please check out the Maine Team blog HERE.

You can see my "About Me/Profile" section HERE. 

You can support the Etsy Maine Team on Facebook HERE.

I'm just...stunned...and truly honored!