Erasing a Stigma

It seems that the tragic passing of Robin Williams has brought light to an epidemic many of us have been fighting in the shadows.  Why has it taken the death of someone famous for making millions of us laugh, to bring public awareness to a disease that we have been plagued with for hundreds of years?  Current data suggests that 22 Veterans take their lives... a day.  22 people who survived military duty (combat or not), whose demons eventually won out.  That statistic is thought to be wrong amongst recent veterans returning from the OIF/OEF conflict.  Many of those take their lives as a result of PTSD.  The public at large seems to think this is a new phenomena, but there are several items to take into consideration.  During WWI and WWII, and early battles, Soldiers had several weeks to decompress from the tragedies of war.  Spending weeks together with fellow brothers who had seen the atrocities of war, being able to vent their fears and anger to one another without fear of being judged.  They had time to come to terms with what our nation asked of them during these times.  Then the came home to their families never to speak of it again.  Now, when our time at war is done, we get on a plane, fly home, have a week of "reintegration" and are asked to get back to our daily lives.  Now, there is a stigma that if you seek help or treatment you are weak.  It can undermine a career by imparting the notion that you are not fit for command or a leadership role because you are unstable.  When we are separated from service, and our employers find out that we have PTSD, all the can think is that we are going to snap and go on a shooting rampage because we are unstable.  

These are the stigmas that make talking about mental health illnesses difficult.  It is easier to deny anything is wrong than to admit we have demons we are battling.  Depression is only one symptom of PTSD.  There are many more.  Irritability, anger, lashing out, becoming withdrawn, insomnia, flashbacks, sadness, anxiety, and so many more.  Suicidal thoughts come with the territory.  Those of us strong enough to ask for help, are often shot down.  "So many people have it worse than you.  You shouldn't be depressed".  "Just be happier".  "Remember you have a family, don't be selfish".   A lot of people just don't know how to talk to or respond to someone when they say they are depressed and may be contemplating suicide.  For people who have never been that far in despair, they just don't understand.  And that's OK.  But dismissing the other persons' feelings is not the way to help.  Let them know that you are always around to listen, that you care.  Just knowing you have people in your corner can be the life jacket that person is looking for.

When I was sent back stateside from Iraq, I was not medevac'd.  I was sent via space-a.  I had to wait around Kuwait for 2 weeks for a seat to become available and for my unit to fix the paperwork they screwed up on.  When I got back to Atlanta, no one from my Rear-D unit was there to pick me up.  No homecoming welcome.  I had to take a cab from the airport to Fort Benning, a nearly 2 hour trip.  I checked into my hotel, and was told to report to work 6 hours later.  They initially tried to chapter me out on a bad conduct mischarge...which is funny because I didn't have a single negative counseling statement....that I knew of.  Come to find out, 3 had been written while I was in limbo, and where I was supposed to sign, my squad leader had written in "Soldier Unavailable to Sign.". More on this at a later date...thankfully I had a few docs that stood up for me, and pushed me through the med board process; I was eventually medically retired out of the Army 13 months after returning home.  I was treated like shit, because everyone in my unit thought I was faking it, trying to get out of deployment.  I had been there for 7 months, and wanted to make the Army a career.  I had no support.  No friends.  No family (locally).  I was at my wit's end.  Thankfully, I had my family's support.  I would call my mom bawling my eyes out, because I just couldn't take it anymore.  I wanted to give up.  So a week after returning home, my parents and 2 youngest sisters drove from VA to GA to come see me.  Give me much needed hugs and emotional support.  They stayed for a week.  Without them, who knows what would have happened.  My mom reminded me how strong I was.  I'm a Mayo, damn it.  And that means something.  I had my son who needed his mother.  And I had something to prove.  That no matter how much you may beat me down, degrade me, make me feel like nothing; I'm not going anywhere.  I know in my heart what the truth was/is, and I'll be damned if some ignorant, judgmental, self-serving, assholes were going to take that away from me.  I haven't written a lot about my time in service, or what happened to me while deployed and upon returning home.  But over the next few months, I think I'm going to let ya'll in.  I think it's important for people to know and recognize that this shit does happen.  And if it's happening to you, you're not alone.  There are actions you can take, and recourse for those who think they are above it all.  


Tonight, I just wanted to open the door.  Let people know that if you're struggling with PTSD, depression, or any other issue, there ARE people who care.  If you need someone to talk to, I AM HERE to listen to you.  All you have to do is reach out.  You are stronger than you think you are.

If you or someone you know is struggling, there are options.  Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to ask for help.  You don't want to burden loved ones with your issues.  I'm here to tell you, it's not a burden.

http://pinterest.com/pin/create/button/

...Must Be Nice...

So today's post is a little different than some of my other ones.  More about the "life of" rather than pottery/ceramics.  We meet new people, or even those that have been in our life for a while...and this one comment is almost always muttered, "It must be nice to not have to work and be able to stay home all day."  Or at least something to that extent.  Most people utter it as a result of ignorance - they really have NO idea what my/our day to day life is truly like.  So for those that don't know what it's like, I thought I'd give you an idea.  :)

2014 Goals - 2 down, 12 to go!!

At the beginning of the year, I created a page for my 2014 Business Goals, to not only help me keep track of the goals I set for myself; but also so ya'll can help keep me accountable.  One way to almost always achieve your goals, regardless of what they are, is to share it with loved ones, friends, and/or the public.  Once you've put anything out there for the public to see...there is an innate pressure to uphold your end of the bargain.

Gathering of information...

Starting back in January, I began posting that I was working on writing a book.  And not just any book, but one on how to best set up your own creative haven.  I've had lots of interest from folks who think it's a great idea and want to help, and then I send them the questionnaire.  Some people aren't able to open it up, some get it filled out but then can't get it back to me...SO...I thought to my self.."self...why not create an online form for folks to fill out..."

Dreams, Goals, Ambitions

Hubby and I just got done having a conversation that is rather thought provoking. He asked me what my goals were with my business. Well to make money of course was the first joking remark. But in all actuality...I want to completely move over to sculpting. Still make some of the small odds and ends when I need a break..and they make GREAT kiln fillers so there's no wasted space...but I want to sculpt. I want my sculptures to have meaning and for those messages to be embraced by the world. I want the message that my sculptures emote to be known throughout the world. Quite a lofty goal, no? But that's me...dream big! I know it won't happen over night. And it may not happen in the next 10 years. But by golly...It WILL happen. :)

NOT disabled....DIFFERENTLY-abled!

When I first got sick, in 2010...I was bumming.  I was heart broken, and continue to be blindsided as my health continues to decline.  It all started with seizures in April 2010...followed by cognitive decline... memory and concentration issues... tremors/ticks... weakness and numbness in my left arm/hand... severe leg pain and weakness ... and last but not least... urinary incontinence.  I think that's it... haha  OH!  Yea...forgot the PTSD...All of this has occurred in the last 3 years...For a while, I let myself feel sorry for myself.  I can't run around with my munchkin-boy anymore.  I can't go for a hike through the woods with my husband.  I have been unable to complete a college degree/further education.  There's a LOT of things I CAN'T do...It's been in the last year with the support of my hubby and the innocent wisdom of my son, that my mind set has changed.  I used to send a thank you note with my Etsy orders, as well as have it printed on my business cards; "Thank you for supporting a disabled veteran's business".  Yes... all of these physical, psychological, and physiological issues have created boundaries and limitations...  But they've also showcased my strengths and other abilities I never knew I had.  

Energy Drought

For the last month, my energy reserves have been non existent.  It seems like fatigue has been my middle name, AND the name of the game.  I just cannot seem to get out of my own way.  Which is proving to be a problem.  I haven't been in the studio to create in well over a week. :(  I yearn to have my hands in clay... my soul cries out for the release.  
  

Floorplan Dilema

A very early mornin to ya!  :)  Wide awake at 0300 in the morning, so I've been working on my book.  Debbie Appleby of Appleby Pottery was one of the first potters to respond to my request of information.  So I've used her questionnaire and photos to piece together her home/garage studio.  Tonight, I've spent the time playin' with a new program (that's FREE) called Sweet Home 3D to work on the blueprints and/or floor plans of the example studios that will be included in my book.  But here is my quandary... I'm not sure which version/style to include in the book...

Still Writing...

A couple weeks ago, I mentioned I was writing a book (You can read up on it HERE- Crafting Your Creative Space)  Well, I'm still writing. :-)  I know that's not abnormal by any stretch of the imagination...but I'm learning that it is MUCH more involved than I initially thought.  I want to do it RIGHT.  so I'm doing lots of research and less writing at the moment.  Connecting with other ceramic artists/potters, health care professionals, and colleagues.  

 

Artist Accessibility

Taking an ocean-side stroll.  Hiking through the woods along a rocky path.  Climbing a flight of stairs.  

Rolling out slabs of clay, sitting in my wheelchair

Do you ever stop to think about these actions...and be thankful these are activities you can perform with little to no thought?  I am envious at times of those who don't have to think a second thought about doing these actions.  There, I said it.  As much as I try to maintain a positive outlook on my situation, there are times when I just want to say, "This shit sucks". 

Crafting Your Creative Space...Almost

Hey there!  I have been looking high and low for a book to help me better set up my home pottery studio.  I have unique needs, and was hoping someone out there had written about how to alter your space to accommodate for a variety of disabilities...Guess what...they haven't!  Crazy, I know...So guess what that means?  I have taken on the project.  

I'M WRITING A BOOK!!!

Liebster Award Nomination!!

I'm honored!  Natalie from Magic Jewellery nominated me for the Liebster Reward.  What a nice surprise for sure!!  hehe 

What's the Liebster Award:

The word Liebster- a German word- translates to dear, favorite, love .

It's an award for (mostly) up and coming bloggers with 200 -or less-  followers that is given by fellow bloggers.

The rules

• List 11 random facts about yourself.  check
• Answer the 11 questions provided by the blogger who nominated you. 
  check
• Nominate other bloggers for the award who have 200 followers or less.
• Create 11 questions for your nominees to answer. 
  check
• Notify the nominees of their nomination (of course!)

Tuesday Tips

In an effort to better streamline my blogging and make it easier for me to keep up with, as well as my followers, I have decided to add various "themed" days.  I already have Mudita Mondays...I thought Tuesday Tips was appropriate.  I'm not sure if I will have something for every single day, but I figured this was a good start!  What do you guys think?  Do you have any other suggestions or things you would like to see on here??

For my first "Tuesday Tips", I'd like to offer something that EVERYONE can relate to.  Regardless of what your profession, hobby, passion, or calling is; there will be times when nothing goes right and you will feel like giving up.  It is during these times when you MUST NOT GIVE UP.  The most rewarding events nearly always come after the most difficult of journeys.  Did you know that Thomas Edison was NOT the first person to invent the lightbulb?  He was the first person to make one commercially practical.  After trying more than 3,000 "theories" of how an incandescent bulb might work, he and his associates finally found the one that DID.  If he had given up at attempt 3,001; he never would have known that theory/attempt 3,002 was the one that would prove successful.  (source: http://www.ehow.com/facts_4963988_history-thomas-edisons-light-bulb.html)

In more recent times, look at the Soldiers that are coming home with various ailments; physical, emotional, and psychological.  As an example, look at active duty Col. Gregory Gadson.  Have you seen the movie Battleship?  Ya know the double leg amputee that acts in that movie??  YEA...  That's him...  What would have happened if he had given up when he was injured?  He very well could have gotten received medical retirement due to his injuries.  But he did not.  He has continued to train; continued to lead by example; and continued to thrive.  He has continued to be an inspiration to all who see him and know his story.  I encourage you to do your research and find out all about him in addition to watching the movie.  It was pretty good.  Do a search on "Col. Gregory Gadson" and see what comes up.  It's pretty amazing.

A couple hundred years separates these two men, but there is one thing that unites them.  They never gave up.  Regardless of what you're going through; what hurdles you face; stand tall in the face of adversity.  Continue to climb the mountain in front of you one foot in front of the other.  Most of "Tuesday Tips" will be geared towards pottery/ceramics, but I can't help it if a few of these motivational ones slip in there too. :)

What hurdle have you overcome?  How did you do it?  Let me know how you succeeded despite the odds!  I love to hear how others refuse to let hurdles get in their way!!

TTFN!

Patriot's Day

Good day to you all and thank you for stopping by!  Today is Patriot's Day, the day we commemorate the battles of Lexington and Concord which were fought near Boston in 1775.  Anyone remember the Paul Rivere poem?  Patriot's Day is typically held on the third Monday of April and is a state holiday for Massachusetts and Maine.  Though many people do make the mistake since the names are so close, Patriot's Day should NOT be confused with Patriot Day, which marks the anniversary of the terrorist attacks in the USA on September 11, 2001.   In the areas of Lexington and Concord, there are numerous reenactments for the public to see.  Anyone in Massachusetts planning on going to one?  I've never been to one and would love a first hand account and/or pictures of what it is!

(Information found on Timeanddate.com)

How are you celebrating Patriot's Day?  Why not take the time to support a disabled veteran in her pursuit to gain as much independence as possible, regardless of her disabilities?  Who might this person be, you ask?  Why ME of course!  Last week, Monday, I launched a Kickstarter project to raise funds in order to acquire equipment for my pottery studio to make the processes of creation more ME friendly...if successfully funded, it will give me near complete independence when it comes to my pottery, and I won't have to ask my fiance to help!  When you have to rely on someone on a daily basis to get around because I can't drive, for help getting into bed on my bad leg pain days...gaining any form of independence is a true blessing.  Please help me reach my goal.  You can find my Kickstarter project HERE.

Finding Home

So this post is going to be more of a brief history up to present about my disabilities and how pottery has helped me...and our search for a "home" to call our own.

Easter of last year, I had a significant decline in my health.  I had what the ER docs called "transient blindness".  My vision was next to nothing for about 48 hours and then it gradually started coming back to normal.  Took about a week.  But during that time, my legs also started to feel extremely weak.  I had several falls because my legs just gave out.  LOTS of bruises later, the VA docs gave me what are called "Canadian crutches"...the ones with the elbow brace.  For a couple of weeks, I had to use two crutches to get around.  The nerve pain came and went as it pleased.  Some days were/are better than others.  But due to the leg pain, it made walking even worse.  So the VA gave me a wheelchair.  I just recently acquired a new wheelchair from the VA that was custom made for me.  It has all terrain tires so I can get around better.  But I digress... 

Before my legs started "acting up", my fiance and I lived in a second floor apartment.  Needless to say when I started using the crutches and the pain/weakness became more constant, I could no longer do the stairs.  During this time, my parents offered to let us live in their cabin about 3.5 hours north of where we were currently living.  It's a single story ranch style log cabin.  MUCH more ADA friendly.  So last summer, we moved up here.  I was able to get my pottery studio established and have really been able to grow my Etsy store.  It's been GREAT for that.  But unfortunately, there are a lot of other experiences we could have done without.  It's been hard on my fiance being so far away from family and people who can help him/us.  He is also my caretaker and takes his "job" very seriously and worries about me a lot.  The cost it has taken to heat the house this winter has really set us back and forced us to rearrange our finances.  He's not happy here, and it breaks my heart.  :(  We are also 9 hours away from my punkerhead (my son lives with his father due to my health issues..) who lives in Massachusetts.  Needless to say, we are looking to move as soon as we can make it happen.  We are looking for OUR home.  But we are limited.  The home has to have a first floor bedroom because I can't do stairs, my fiance wants LOTS of land, and it would be HIGHLY beneficial if the garage was attached so there was a place to set up my pottery studio.  Now that I have my business up and running we can't afford for me not to have somewhere to do pottery. 

It's a daily struggle, and one that we will find answers to when the time is right. 

Thank you for letting me "vent".  :)  More pottery related posts to follow soon!  I have been WICKED busy in the studio and trying lots of new stuff.  Can't wait to show everyone and get it listed on Etsy!

TTFN

Productive Day!!

 Today I came to the realization that my sleep schedule is finally getting back on track!  I'm going to sleep earlier...but I'm not sleeping the day away which makes me a happy camper!  I woke up at 8 this morning, enjoyed a couple cups of coffee in my mug that Mark  Campbell made for me.  I LOVE being able to look at my baby boy's smiling face every morning, and every time I drink something hot.  This is my GO TO mug, for sure!!

Once I woke up, I got to "work" and started rearranging my Etsy shop.  It needed some early spring cleaning!  Now the sections make much more sense and items can be more easily found.  Added some new items that I am quite proud of.  (You should check it out..www.etsy.com/shop/jsbarts)

And to end the day on a bright note..I threw 3 of the most beautiful bowls!!!  I can honestly say that they are the BEST I have ever made!!  I had intended on making a couple of soup bowls for a non-profit event, Empty Bowls.  But I soon realized that with 2 pounds of clay...the bowls turned out to be a little larger than a soup bowl.  More like a really large salad bowl, or a small serving bowl.  Regardless, I'm pretty proud of them!!  I'm slightly disappointed that I can only sit at my wheel for 20-30 minutes at a time before I need to take a break for at least an hour (due to my disabilities).  But, as I hone my skills, I am able to produce more pieces that are better quality in that time frame. 

Trimming a bowl

 I've had to redefine my definition of "productive".  I want to continue to make with my hands, and pump out as many of the ideas I have running around in my mind.  But I know that my body will retaliate and I will not be able to create on the wheel for days.  A slow and steady pace is one that I need to learn to embrace more than what I do.

At any rate!!  Today has been a good, productive, and a-ok day.  Even health wise..it's been ok.  Not great..but not bad either.  :)